Let's talk about the baby...

Almost 4 months in, and I'm still in shock. Sometimes I'm excited, then nervous, then bitter, then terrified, then I'm ok again. I can blame some of that on hormones, but not all of it.
The baby is 4 inches long by now. I can't wait to see the next ultrasound! By then I will know the gender. I am really hoping for a boy, but I will be fine with a girl (not like I have a choice). I just tend to get along better with boys. Also, he has three girls...it would be great to have a boy to carry on the name. Plus, I grew up with all sisters....I think it's good to have a brother. [I do have a younger brother, but I never grew up with him]. We have a name for a girl "Cosette Elisabeth Boehm". Nothing for a boy yet. I hope that's not a bad sign. ha! [edit:thinking about Brandon Thomas Boehm...?]
Morning sickness was pretty bad up until a couple weeks ago. I was feeling a lot better! Then this week it all came back. Not sure why, but I'm hoping it goes away again....and soon. My belly is growing fast, most of it fat. I've gained more than I should have, and it makes me very self-conscious. Jonathon still says I'm beautiful. :) I really don't feel like it. I am not looking forward to the summer. I'm going to be huge and hot. I'm already warm all the time, and I don't deal with heat well. My body was not made for it. I have already bought some maternity clothes and I've been wearing the biggest clothes I own. I'm already looking forward to losing this weight.
I have moments of selfishness when I think "there goes my freedom" and "ugh, the responsibility!", but those thoughts are waning as I think about having a piece of me grow up and what they might become. I hope I create a wonderful person. We....I hope we create a wonderful person. I have to remember I'm not in this alone. Life just got so much harder, and it's only going to get more difficult. I hear it is rewarding, though. It's time I grew up anyway.