Fat vs. Baby Bump

Well there is a bump, just not sure how much of it is baby. I have gained a lot of weight, which is embarrasing - disappointing - depressing - and worrisome. I hope I am able to lose it after the baby is born. I know a lot of women have a hard time with that, and I'm sure I'll be one of them.
Jonathon and I found a condo for rent. I think it's perfect for us. We won't know if we are approved until tomorrow. I am nervous, because his credit is pretty bad...and mine just isn't as developed as it could be. I know we would do fine, as long as someone gave us a chance. I try so hard to not get angry or bitter at his ex-wife for not paying bills on time, etc. It's not difficult! At least, in my opinion. I mean, it's not fun...who enjoys paying bills? Jonathon loathes even looking at them, so I volunteered to do it. He works hard, I should be able to handle the bills. I know she's a good woman, but she does things that REALLY irritate me. The worst part is that Jonathon puts up with it. I hope he's not like that with me, I don't like a push-over. I want a man with some stones!
I love him so much, and he seems to love me, too. I know he won't leave me, but I still worry. I worry that I will get too heavy and he won't find me attractive anymore. I worry that I'll become a bitter nag. I worry about money. I worry he will be working all the time. I worry about where we will live. I worry a lot. I know it doesn't do much good to feel that way. I just have to trust. I also have been envious lately. Several of my friends are having (or have had) babies this year. Their husbands/boyfriends go/went with them to every doctor visit. I realize Jonathon can't do that with his job, but it hurts a bit to hear the other guys say how amazing it was, etc. He has had three kids already, so maybe he doesn't understand the importance of this to me. At least he's going to be there for the gender ultrasound, whenever that is.
I sure hope we get that condo. I am not a patient person, I want to know now. Also, we need to get the ball rolling. I was hoping to meet his kids last saturday, but that was a no-go. Maybe this saturday? The following two saturdays I am busy and then I leave for Scotland for three weeks. I am excited about that trip, even though people are telling me not to go. This trip means more to me than money. It's about grasping that last bit of freedom before being tied down for the rest of my life. Not to be dramatic or anything.
My pregnancy sickness doesn't seem to want to go away. 5 more months...