"full term"....scary phrase!

These days 37 weeks is full term. That means, it really could be any day that little Jonny will show himself. Yes....Jonny. I think we finally decided on Jonathon Fox Boehm. I had to have the Fox in there...would probably be better as Jonathon Foxworth Boehm...but daddy wasn't going for that. I just hope things don't get too confusing. Jonny Fox...that's just cool! right?

So here's an update. Jonathon is finally divorced! He's been very quiet about it...maybe he doesn't know how to react. I mean, to celebrate seems wrong...but we are relieved he is divorced before Jonny got here. This will be my last weekend to stay at my mom's. After that, when the kids are over...I will be there. I know Tina will be very upset, but I might have a newborn by then! I'm not packing up myself and a newborn every other weekend until we are married (and I'm not sure when that will be). Sorry! I do want to talk to the girls and let them know what's going on, though. I want them to know that we understand what they are going through, that we are sorry for putting them through it all, that we know we aren't doing things the right way, and that this is the way it will be from now on. I do think they like me, but they are each processing it in their own way. Lord help us all!

I saw an ultrasound of the baby a few days ago. It kinda freaked me out actually. Things are pretty cramped in there, so it's hard to see things clearly. I saw his face, but it looked creepy with the ultrasound. It was interesting to watch his little mouth suck on his lip. Last time he was sucking his thumb...I wonder if that's why he gets hiccups so much. Anyway, I think he has his daddy's nose...which is ok because he's a boy. Otherwise, we might have had to start saving for surgery. jk  I like his nose :)

Physically, I am exhausted all the time. Tired, uncomfortable, have to pee every 5 minutes, heartburn/acid reflux, nausea, always hot, pubic symphysis dysfunction, swollen everything, over-fullness after eating...etc. Mentally, I am forgetful, worried, anxious, excited, nervous, scared, eager. I just don't want to screw up.

I don't feel like I've bonded with him in the last 9 months the way I should have. I think it's because I've been too scared about everything. What a pity. I am sure I will feel differently when he is here. I like to watch and feel my belly move...even though it is still so weird! It makes me wonder what he's doing in there.

I had to put my two weeks in at the gallery. I won't be able to afford to work here after Jonny is born. It's not enough to pay for daycare. *sigh* I hope we can do this. So many worries. I know people have done it with less...I just never thought I would be there.

Hard to believe the next time I write, there may be another little one in the world!