Another month goes by...

I get bigger, the bank accounts get smaller.
We have finally moved in. Of course, we had to buy things for the new place...considering we had nothing. Thanks to my mom for letting us use some of her furniture. She has given quite a bit, I am very appreciative. There are things here and there that need to be bought or fixed. My own checking account has dwindled more than I expected. It takes forever to build it back up, too. Poor Jonathon's car quit on us, so he had to find a cheap (but good) replacement in a week. No stress there! Life just said "You don't have enough to worry about, take this too!". *sigh* He found something for $1,200. Not much for a car, but a big chunk out of the account. I hope we can recover quickly. I never wanted to live paycheck to paycheck...but who does? Once I start feeling ok about things, he talks to his ex and I get all worked up at what she has to say...and what he DOESN'T say back. I really wish he would stand up for himself...and for us. I know he is completely stressed out, also. I just hope one day he realizes he doesn't have to take it.
I've met the kids a few more times. I don't stay the night when they are there. I'm not sure if that's for my benefit or their's. I don't know if I can handle an overnight with them, yet. Though, I can't keep this up for much longer. We have yet to tell them they are getting a baby brother. Timing is a b*tch. Hopefully tomorrow. I am nervous about how they will handle it. Surely they notice that my belly is growing, but maybe they just think I'm fat. ha I know Tina thinks we are setting a bad example. None of us think that this is an ok way to do things, but it is happening. We are certainly not going to let them think it's ok, at the same time they need to know that this baby is not at fault and that he is a blessing. I just wish we were married already. It's not like I'm proud of myself for getting in this situation. I don't think Jonathon could feel much more guilty. It's gonna take awhile to make all this right, I just hope no one ever takes it out on the baby.
Speaking of baby...we still don't have a name. I can't help but think if all this other stuff weren't happening, we would have a lot more time and attention to spend on this miracle happening inside of me. I feel like I'm already neglecting him...and I feel like Jonathon is too. Not by choice, there's just only so much that can go around. I've been a bit more clingy lately. He used to say he liked that...but I'm not so sure anymore. He has the kids every other weekend now, so that leaves more time for us...which is nice. :) Also, he gets to spend more time with the girls at a time. At least, that's the idea.
Lord, give me the strength...PLEASE!